Ask Jezabel Jones: my partner is addicted to porn

Dear Jezabel Jones

My husband and I have been having trouble in bed, then last week I came home unexpectedly and found him watching porn, with seemingly no trouble at all. What should I do?

Frustrated

Frustrated, darling! I’d be infuriated and in a rage if I were you. The double edged sword of the internet…

I am hearing this increasingly from my women, and experienced it myself in my own brief marriage. The kid in the candy shop that just can’t get enough, then won’t enjoy the beautifully prepared meal waiting – rich, tender, succulent, and slowly going cold! There have been papers written about this, and the changes in neural programming that porn is creating in frequent users. So act fast, Frustrated, act fast. You don’t want this to become an irreparable concern.

The first thing, if you haven’t already, is to have a frank conversation with Porner – can we call him that? Porner needs to know that this is a problem. In this day and age, a little late-night, or mid-afternoon viewing here and there to help things along can add a great new dimension between the sheets, but if he is getting it off so much with one hand on the keyboard that he can’t get it off with you, my dear Frustrated, then it’s time to stop.

There are few men who are going to enjoy a good telling off; though if he is one of those perhaps a good spanking will bring him back to Mama, Frustrated. But if not, you need to give him a good visceral reminder of the pleasures of the flesh, make him want the physicality of it.

Take his hand away from the laptop and place it on your breast so he can feel the way it fills his palm. Let him get a sense of the texture of skin against your bra. Talk to him. Tell him how it will feel for him to feel your nipple go hard under his tongue. Ask him if he would like that. Ask him to imagine how wet you are getting. Tell him how it will feel for him in that moment when the head of his erection touches the glistening slit between your legs. Have him tell you that he wants to feel that moistness of you around him…

Whatever it is that turns you on, get him in the picture. Make the physicality his desire. You might even like to blindfold him so he can really be guided by you, your words, your placement of his hands on your body, your hands on his.

And then stop.

He has made a commitment to you, and while it might not have been explicitly stated in your vows, that bit about remaining by each other’s side until death do you part implies that you will get each other off until you are laying in an exhausted heap ready for the grave. Remind him of this.

Carrot, stick. In that order. Then cut the internet until he is fucking you a like school boy; frequently and fast.

Jezebel Jones

Have a sex question? Email askjezabeljones@gmail.com for advice from our resident expert. Confidentiality assured, but Jezabel is a busy woman, so no personal replies by email, sorry.

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Jezabel Jones knows sex. Send your questions to askjezabeljones.com

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