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Do you shut the door when you use the bathroom at home? It’s an ongoing conversation among me and some of my girlfriends and we are a divided bunch. You can find us pitching our tents in three basic camps:
- Hell yes, because anything else is wrong and disgusting and wrong. Did I mention wrong?
- Yes, for number twos; but for number ones, door stays open so we can chat.
- Nah, we have no secrets in our house, and we clearly don’t need to find each other sexually attractive any more.
I’m going to go ahead and let you guess which camp I am in. The same goes for the dropping of one’s guts. I mean, really. Is it hard to leave the room? And there is enough focus in our house on bodily functions without us contributing to it. Here is a breakdown of conversation topics du jour at our place right now.
God, I wish I was joking.
There is so much I don’t understand about the urge to leave the door open. Here are some questions for those of you that do:
- Do you never want to have sex again?
- Are you that lonely that you can’t be by yourself for five minutes?
- Do you think the people you love most in the world deserve to smell the contents of your arse?
Here’s the thing: I want my husband to eventually forget about the carnage and people he saw coming out of my vagina, and to think of it as a place of fun. Like Dreamworld without the long line-ups.
I want him to think of me like this:
Because by now he has figured out that I don’t look like this:
But the least I can do is put in a bit of effort.
Where do you stand on this important issue? Do you think I’m being an up-tight prude? Or can I hear a ‘hell yeah!’?