Dear Jezabel Jones
When my partner and I first met, I couldn’t wait to get his clothes off, but now I’m never in the mood. He just doesn’t turn me on, and I find myself avoiding sex. The other night I even pretended to have a headache. Ugh, cliche much?
Fake-Ache.
Hmmm…he doesn’t turn you on, or you don’t let him turn you on? This is a serious dilemma Fake-Ache, and while it might appear as just a crack, it could be creating a cavern of seismic proportions, or worse, be symptomatic of a tectonic shift already taking place.
Firstly, are you letting the unmown lawn, overflowing garbage, or lousing about in front of the television shade your view of your once take-me-now man? Because if you are, not having sex is not going to fix the leaky tap. Sex is not a punishment/reward activity (well, unless you’re into that sort of thing). It is something we do to give each other pleasure. Remember back in the beginning when you were having all that sex, how the house would be miraculously cleaned, or the front-door painted? The pleasure was an ever-expanding universe. In this case, the chicken came first. Don’t stop the supply.
Or is it something more physical…You’re both settled in to the relationship, getting comfortable, and perhaps he has grown a wee paunch? This is a tricky one for me to contemplate as I’m not drawn to the typically handsome man in the manner of my contemporaries, mine is a mental attraction. All I can say is build your bridge, my dear Fake-Ache. None of us are getting any younger. We shame men for judging us on our physicality, and rightly so! We should not do the same. This is your problem, and you need to find a way to keep the fucking flowing. And as a double win, you might even find you fuck him back into fitness.
Or maybe it’s the mental attraction that is missing for you, Fake-Ache. We’ve all been there, caught in that first-dimension and frisky as all-fuck, only to realise a few months down the track that there is only the one dimension, in which case I say abort-mission, Fake-Ache, pack your bags and run back to the wilds of free-love.
But you are call him ‘partner’, not squeeze, so I expect you are past this juncture, in which case if it is not entirely or even partly you, but him, then there is a bigger problem afoot, and you should be seeking relationship advice, not words from a pro-sex femme.
You need to get to the bottom of this Fake-Ache with some serious root-cause analysis. Right now you are not having sex, when you could be getting on with living a satisfyingly fruitful life.
Jezebel Jones xx
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