The masturbating faun, cauliflower pizza and other stuff I don’t understand

I don't understand

Sometimes I am flummoxed by the world. What about you? Don’t you reckon there are some things that are just that wee bit dumbfounding? Here’s a few strange little items that I’ve found particularly perplexing of late. And please be warned this post contains many question marks and the clear indicators of a person taking umbrage.

Cutting-edge fashion

Screen Shot 2014-07-06 at 7.50.00 pm
This primitive and futuristic fella is about to hump his scarf

I read this the other day about designer Rick Owens runway show and to be honest I was somewhat puzzled:

“I was thinking about the ballet Afternoon of a Faun, choreographed by Nijinsky. It basically all culminates with this faun masturbating on a nymph’s scarf, so everybody in the audience, with all their jewels, are just waiting for this guy to hump the scarf. I love that!,” mused Rick Owens backstage after his SS15 show. Playing on the duality between the primitive and the futuristic, models covered in stark white and pastel body paints felt otherworldly as they stomped down the runway in a combination of silver moon boots and deconstructed jackets, worn like togas.”

Oh.Kay. Look the dude is obviously super creative but it’s all a bit beyond the conceptual capability of my pea brain.

The ‘nanny-state’ or you must be afraid, be very afraid

Just a drag please 1980 taken by Rennie Ellis
“Just a drag please” 1980, taken by photographer Rennie Ellis

Gosh we have a lot of rules these days don’t we? Are they helpful? Perhaps. Or as someone (you know who you are) said the other day, “they’re there to keep dickheads alive”. HHmmmm.

Yes, the world is dangerous, but probably no more so than it was 60 years ago. And what’s the point of wrapping yourself or your kids in cotton wool (I’ll concede, it’s better than encouraging them smoke)? But who benefits if we are terrified of the world I ask? Not us. Insurance companies I suppose. Manufacturers of goods with ‘high safety standards’?

My husband says that disorder is the natural state of the universe and the more you apply order, the more that it wants to return to it’s state of chaos.

Well by jingo, just take me back to those chaotic days of my childhood where trampolines didn’t look like cages at the zoo (even more so when there’s a few four year boys jumping around in there), kids caught public transport to high school, cracker night actually happened and we drove merrily around in the car without seat belts. Good times.

The prevalence of people who are utter assholes

Where’s the harm in showing some consideration to your fellow humans I ask? What about some old fashioned manners hey? Being an AY-hole is just unnecessary. Why do they do it? HUH? Why?

The Australian Government delivering boatloads of refugees directly into the hands of the people from whom they are are fleeing from – SHAMEFUL. Rascist ranters on public transport – VILE. Pushing into the lift before I’ve walked out – RUDE. Rolf Harris (five year sentence?!) – UTTER URGH. Gerard Baden-Clay’s parents going on about how Allison was depressed, lying on the couch with the curtains closed. Obviously inferring she was less of a person. And a bad wife. Which made it OK that her disgusting husband treated her with complete disrespect – FOUL.

Motto for today: let’s treat other people the way we want to be treated.

Pizza base made from cauliflower

Sorry. Not Pizza.
Sorry. No. Not Pizza.

Paleo peeps, I know you love pizza base made from cauliflower, and it might actually be yummy, but I’m sorry….. IT’S NOT PIZZA. And it probably would stink, you know in that smelly cauliflower kind of way. Nup.

Twerking

Um. What even is it? Seriously I don’t know.

Detroit

A bustling metropolis basically crumbles to the ground. The largest US city to file for bankruptcy. Imagine how many people have lost their lives as a result: from crime, suicide, starvation, homelessness, sadness. What a bloody disgrace. Such a symptom of our pathetic, fickle obsession with money and consumption. “Civilisation”, what a joke. How can this happen?  The good thing to come out of it is renewal, fuelled by creative businesses that emerge like baby-phoenix from the ashes of this city.

The United Artists Theatre Detroit taken by Yves Marchand and Romain Meffre Photography
The United Artists Theatre Detroit taken by Yves Marchand and Romain Meffre Photography

Embarking onto public transport in the morning with wet hair

Speaking of nanny-state. This is one there def should be a law against. You look like a poodle fresh out of the hydrobath. And you will catch a cold. Just take five and give your hair a quick blowdry before you venture forth or do a nice neat updo. It’s best for everyone.

The concept that you can shit in your backyard and it won’t be a problem

I’m talking here about how we treat our poor old mother earth. Global warming has been scientifically proven over and over again. It’s a thing for goodness sake. But there’s still deny-ers. I DON’T GET IT. We’re seeing our world heritage listed Barrier Reef being trashed by dredging, run-off, development and slack governments. Tribes who haven’t seen other humans are being turfed out of their homes because the forests are being ground to nothing. If we keep crapping on the planet from a great height, things are going to get ugly! True story.

I could regale you with a heap more (like narrow-mindedness or those without humour) but I think that’s enough for now.

Thoughts?

What do you find discombobulating?

 

Written By

Gillian is a marketing savant and brand strategist with over 20 years of experience in above and below the line marketing, digital strategy and creative direction. She is an exceptional people person who loves to collaborate with clients every step of the way to achieve the best possible outcome. Gillian is also a successful makeup-artist and make-up obsessive who loves to share her tricks of the trade and help women to look good and feel great.

17 Comments

  • Lots of rooms for questions and concerns here Gillian and ?!?!?! – Frances Whiting did a column in the Brisbane Sunday Mail a couple of weeks back where she coined the term ‘questionation mark’ (only apparently someone else had already come up with some lame ass word for the same thing which I’ve forgotten because it was nowhere as good a questionation mark) ?!

  • Yes to most of the above, particularly the criminal acts of handing asylum seekers back to their torturers. As Malcolm Fraser tweeted, it’s like giving fleeing Jews back to the Nazis. And we all know how well that ended. I prefer laws that keep citizens from draining the state’s coffers with their irritating preventable diseases the nanny state is a helluva lot more preferable than say leaving the dickheads to their own devices and my tax dollars having to treat them for their idiocy.

    I read a great article recently that compared paleo to Scientology!

    • Trust Champagne Carolyn to know all about this weird word shit….. WOOOO I LOVE the idea of the questionation mark. I use it all the time! and now I feel normal for doing it hahahaha

    • Thanks Champagne Tara!!! I’m glad you agree, we are besties after all. And that’s HIGHlarious about the paleo scientology comparison. So true! hahaha

  • Discombobulating is my sister’s FAV word right now. Yes to Baden-Clay, despicable man on all accounts! I’m not buying what he’s selling – she has 3 children she would no faff off in the night. Guilty. That pizza is an embarrassment to pizzas across the globe.
    A lovely rant really and thanks for smile!

    • Oh thanks Em, I’m super happy that it gave you a smile!!! Yeah I just hope the jury is on the same page that everyone else about him, little germ. My parents live at Brookfield and no one just wanders off in the night, it’s pitch black…. anyway I’m actually going to try cauliflower pizza, but i’m going to cover it in salami and call it cauliflower salami slice. hahahahah

    • AAAHHHHHahahahahahaha that made me laugh brooke I actually pictured you doing that, like one of those nodding puppy toys in the back of indian cab drivers vehicles THANK YOU!

  • I hear you about people on public transport with wet hair. It drives me nuts. Get up 15 mins earlier and you will look and feel a million times better. I don’t even understand that cauliflower pizza. How do you even put topping on that? Or maybe you don’t. So confused. That is def one I don’t understand. #teamIBOT

    • Oh my gosh I’m having a good laugh tonight with everyone’s comments. I’m so glad you understand my issue with the wet hair thing! Mine is definitely from my mum, she used to go off about kids going to school with wet hair. Thought it was appalling hahahahaha. One of my girlfriends is one of those people that is always on the bus with straggly wet hair and she knows i hate it and she pretends to be ashamed of herself for me. But SHE DOESN’T CARE really. And she never gets a cold either. hhhmmmmm

  • Oh how I love a good ranty pants rant! I have asked many of these questions myself. Although I must admit to being a convert to the cauliflower pizza bases. But, fair enough, it does require some reimagining of the word ‘pizza’. It’s a bit like the ‘vegetarian shepherd’s pie’ I saw on a menu recently. Still annoyed by that one!

    • You are shitting me “vegetarian shephaerds pie”? mega LOL!!!!!!! goodness me. I did mention in another comment that I am def going to try the califlower ‘pizza’ but def rename it. And slather it in meat. So, incidentally, can you pick it up and eat a slice like pizza?

  • I am very disturbed by the first image. The model looks like he’s a prisoner!
    And I’m with you on Cauli-fower pizza. Other things too, but definitely the caulk flower pizza. I suppose I could be convinced if I was never allowed to eat wheat again, but it just looks so sad!!!!

    • Yes me too Jess. It’s a little bit strange. I’m all for creativity, I truly believe we’d be a horrible society if it weren’t for all the wildly creative designers, artists and generally fabulous people. HOWEVER, I can’t come to grips (no pun intended 😉 with the whole masturbating faun business

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