5 ways to upset the internet in no time flat

5 ways to upset the internet in no time flat

Looking to spice up your life with some internet adversity? Yeah, me neither. I have been reminded over the last couple of weeks what does stir up some internet cray-cray and for shits and giggles I’d thought I’d present my research to you.

1.     Anything to do with boobs, vag and uteruses, e.g. breastfeeding, bottle feeding, formula feeding, c-sections, natural delivery, pain free, drug free, childless (mindfully or not), etc.

I’m not sure anything incites the crazy in some people on the internet as opinions on what women should do when they are trying to get pregnant, are pregnant, have a baby, or are you ready for it… don’t have children *gasps*.

Call me hysterical if you will, but when it comes to me and my vagina, my embryo/fetus/baby and my boobs—I know best peeps. And if I need advice I’ll probably talk to someone I trust. Y’all don’t need to be telling women what to do.

I think with anything fertility related it’s just wise to be kind. There are many choices – mindful or otherwise – that have heart breaking stories behind them.

5 ways to upset the internet in no time flat

2.     If you complain about being tired and/or busy and you don’t have children.

5 ways to upset the internet in no time flat

Apparently if you don’t have kids it removes your right to complain about being tired and/or busy. Most people with progeny will respond with a smile, nod and casual but not very discrete roll of their eyes.

I’ve seen it many time where a childless person on the internet will mention how tired or busy they are and comments stream in along the lines of, “try getting ready for work with two kids under three, and this, and that, and blah, blah, angry, blah”. Babe, it wasn’t aimed at you!

So here’s a memo to people with kids, everybody gets tired. Humans get tired.

3.     If you activate your nuts.

Apparently you are full blown wanker if you start activating your almonds. Nutritional science about the benefits of activating nuts aside – you’re a wanker and the internet will be happy to tell you so.

They’ll be even more enthusiastic to tell you you’re a wanker if you include the words, “paleo” or “ketogenic”.

4.     If you feed your kids food from any well-known fast food franchise, and it’s not a vegan smoothie bar.

So many pretty pictures on Instagram of the insides of children’s PBA-free (of course!) lunchboxes. Well that’s a great but newsflash: Do you know why they call them Happy Meals? Because they make kids bloody happy! And for the eight minutes they keep the kid occupied, mum and dad are happy too and they can eat their Big Mac and Coke Zero is some form of peace.

Please tag me in a photo of your kid eating chicken nuggets. Mine can’t be the only ones that get this privilege. Or am I just a shit mum?

5.     If you think women should have fundamental equal rights

Nothing can stir up a bit of internet hate like feminist talk. Throw is some evidence based facts to do with rape culture or organisational gender targets and you are guaranteed to get a whole lot of people off side. It makes men angry, it makes women who “aren’t feminists” angry because you’re giving them a “bad name”. Because heaven forbid a boy didn’t like you. Sorry world *clicks fingers, hip pop and head shake* ain’t nobody got time for that. I’m going to be loud and garish and bolshy.

5 ways to upset the internet in no time flat

Hopefully you are a high road taker and when you see something you don’t agree with you just keep scrolling. I know you do because you’re an ace lady.

If you are curious about what sort of social media user you are, Mrs Woog wrote a great piece a couple of years back. And FYI, I’m a “Mummy Blogger”.

And last but not least, if you need a little reminder to be kind on the interwebs, here’s a video the tasty Amanda from Looker and Cooker put together with some bloggers reading out comments they received – it includes our own gal, Carolyn.

How have you angered the internet lately?

5 ways to upset the internet in no time flat

Written By

Sarah is a worker, writer, reader, feminist, avid cook, gardener, mother of two small girls and wife to a crane driver. She enjoys the feeling of grass under her feet, the smell of a mid-week roast chook in the oven, heated debates about politics and online shopping. She's working hard to know she is enough in a world that is trying hard to tell her otherwise.

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