Friday Fizz: The Week When We Raked In The Big Bucks

Oh hello Friday, you gorgeous minx! How’s everyone’s week been? Personally, I’ve rounded the halfway mark of Dry July and am wondering why the fuck I signed up for it in the first place feeling clean, fit and fabulous.

You know who else is fabulous? Women making the news this week. Let’s dive in.

  • In business, Kayla Itsines has just sold her fitness app SWEAT to a US company called iFit for the rumoured sum of about $400 million. We hope she’s doing the Scrooge McDuck thing of just filling a room with cash and backstroking in it. Kayla launched SWEAT along with her former fiance back in 2015 and it now has over 30 million users across 155 countries. She also has a cute baby and a hot arse. We’re happy for her, and not at all jealous.
  • In show biz news, Marvel’s latest franchise flick Black Widow, starring Scarlett Johansson, has smashed COVID-era box office records, bringing in US$158 million over its opening weekend. A big help to that is that the clever clogs behind it have now figured out they can release in cinemas and on Disney+ at the same time – so now you can contribute to the box office from the comfort of your couch. Less inspiring is the film that Black Widow knocked off for the top spot – The Fast and the Furious 9. I have no idea why we need nine films of intense muscly dudes doing donuts, but I’m clearly not their target demographic.
Black Widow is apparently marginally better than The Fast and the Furious 9. Image: supplied
  • And for the tightarses among us who just want to sit on the couch and watch free stuff that’s still stellar, Annabel Crabb’s new show Ms Represented hit our screens this week and had us laughing and wanting to punch the nearest male politician at the same time. Ms Represented tells the tales of women in politics in Australia, and features names such as Julia Gillard, Natasha Stott Despoja, Julie Bishop, Penny Wong, Anne Aly, Linda Burney and Amanda Vanstone. It’s political but incredibly entertaining and informative – did you know that there were no women’s toilets in the Senate until 1974? Shit like this is why the arguments about the meritocracy are dung.
As someone in our FB group Champagne Women said: We would watch the Shipping News if Annabel Crabb was reading it. Image: supplied.
  • And in politics – because UGH you know we can’t go a week without some dickhead in Canberra making us furious – it seems training on sexual harassment, bullying and harassment in parliament is due to be rolled out some time around September. A little late, you might say (as would Brittany Higgins and a range of other women in Canberra), but the other problem is that they plan on covering all of that in one hour and – here’s the kicker – the training is optional for parliamentarians. We could save them a whole lot of trouble right here: don’t rape people or jack off in the workplace, mmmkay?

And a couple of little tidbits on dating to finish our wrap-up on a positive note:

  • New research has found that around two thirds of couples start out as friends, with the average time from “nice to meet you” to “take your pants off” being around two years. Not sure Tinder and Bumble would agree with those stats…
  • Speaking of, Iran has a new dating app that is here to help you have a “lasting and informed marriage”. In practical terms, that means you get assigned a “service consultant” that advises you on all things relationshippy all the way through until four years after you marry. And look, I’d like to poo-poo this but my divorce status indicates I am not qualified to comment.

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Written By

Carolyn is the editorial director of Champagne Cartel and a freelance writer. In her spare time she is a long-distance runner, peanut butter enthusiast, and single mum to three incredible humans.

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