I’m fond of studies that tell me exactly what I want to believe. That dark chocolate is a health food, that my coffee consumption protects my heart and that drinking wine is an investment in my future wellbeing.
I have quite a few friends who are partial to champagne. We like to circulate any article that tells us bubbles prevent dementia and alzhiemers. We remind each other often. Which may call into question the findings themselves, but let’s not worry about that.
I’m quietly convinced that the medical benefits of drinking champagne go much further. Unlike the dementia study, my research is based on actual people rather than rodents. Well, an actual person really. Just me. But I’m sure I’m more representative than a rat.
- Champagne increases happiness. I estimate I am 30 – 40% happier when I have a glass of cold champagne in my hand. Happiness has become something of a standardised measure these days to reflect wellbeing. And if we are chasing happiness like it’s the be all and end all, I’ll take along some bubbles as my roadie.
- Champagne reduces stress. These are stressful times. Sometimes you need to meditate. Sometimes you need a glass of Veuve Cliquot. It’s all about balance.
- Champagne is high in antioxidants. Seems a lot of vices are rescued by being high in antioxidants. Apparently champagne is just as full of polyphenols as red wine is. Like I said before, it’s all about balance. (I do not know what antioxidants or polyphenols are and I do not care to learn).
- Champagne means mates. Sometimes I drink champagne alone, but more often than not I’m the company of good friends. Or new friends. Or random strangers who also like sparkling wine. In any case, I’m normally surrounded by people. Many studies plus good old common sense indicate socialising is good for the soul.
- Champagne increases your chances of sex. I’m not saying it’s a necessary precursor, but it does increase the probability. Therefore, drinking champagne has a direct connection to increased likelihood of exercise and a happy husband. I don’t need any study to tell me both of those are positive things.
- Champagne tells it like it is. Champagne loosens tongues and that’s sometimes a good thing. Sometimes your friends need to know that you “love them so much right now.”
- Champagne is a diet food. A small flute of champagne has 90 calories. A glass of wine has 100 calories and a glass of beer has about 100 – 180 calories. A serving of lemon, lime and bitters has 160 calories. A cheeky kebab (because you have had too many champagnes) is 1,000 calories. Just saying.
- Champagne doesn’t cause hangovers. Okay, this may not be 100% true. I do find that if I stick to (good quality) bubbles all evening, my chances of a headache the next day are much less than if I had mixed it up. Champagne also creates a buzz quickly, meaning that I don’t drink it as fast. Okay, that’s not true either. But it might be true for other people.
The above is not intended as medical advice. Please don’t take medical advice from anybody on the internet. If, however, you are looking for advice on a good drop of bubbles, the internet (particularly this corner) is an excellent place to ask. These are good for when you are really skint. These are good for when you have a little more to spend.