Friday Fizz: The Week When We Got Our Own Barbie!

Where's your Barbie, ScoMo? Image: Facebook/@1395FIVEaa

Stop the press!

  • It’s Friday and we have to talk about Julie Bishop before we burst. Lots of women did awesome stuff this week but can we please talk about Julie Bishop being turned into a Barbie? Sure, Mattel just made a one-off so you can’t pop down to Target to buy our former deputy leader of the Liberal Party, but it’s still thrilling, don’t you think? Mattel said they made the doll as its 2021 Australian role model because they wanted to recognise Bishop as a “true trailblazer”. The thing I love most about the doll though is that she is dressed in Bishop’s resignation suit – including those sparkly Rodo red shoes – which she wore on the day she told the boys club in the Liberal caucus to go fuck themselves. The only thing that would make the Barbie more authentic is if she was giving ScoMo the middle finger. 10/10 would buy.
  • Chrissy Teigen apologised for being a troll this week, which is good. We’re not exactly sure whether she’s sorry she was clearly a troll to lots of people, or whether she’s sorry she was publicly exposed and started losing commercial deals, but either way, apologising is the right thing to do. “I was a troll, full stop. And I am so sorry,” Teigen wrote in a Medium post. It takes a lot to admit you’ve been a deadshit and not immediately launch into a justification (just ask Swimming Australia), but Teigen has done just that. I’m not mad any more if you’re not, but I have no intention of sliding into her DMs any time soon either.
Remember this face. or don’t. We don’t know if it matters. Image: Instagram/bkrejcikova
  • All right, so to sport. Someone you’ve never heard of won the French Open, which is cool and interesting in its own way. Unseeded Barbora Krejcikova defeated Anastasia Pavlyuchenkova in three sets and became the first person since 2000 to go home with a singles and a doubles trophy – which makes her pretty kick-arse, don’t you think? And don’t feel bad if you’re finding it hard to keep up with women’s tennis right now (remember when it was either Martina Navratilova or Chris Evert winning everything?) Krejcikova is the 12th woman to win a major tournament since the start of 2016. It’s a wide field and anyone could win. *Dusts off old wooden Head racquet.*
  • While we’re on sport, Swimming Australia is still trying to clean the boris out of their undies after Maddie Groves ditched the Olympic trials to protest the “toxic culture” of elite Australian swimming. Swimming Australia boss Alex Baumann pulled the equivalent of everyone’s favourite non-apology “I’m sorry you got upset” when he proclaimed that he could see what the problem is here. The organisation just has to do more to make its members aware of how to make a complaint. So he’s saying everything is set up to protect women in the sport, they just didn’t know about it, the silly sausages. For what it’s worth, Groves has been backed up by others’ experiences since she bravely spoke up last week. And Swimming Australia is currently running Olympic trials and hoping we’re distracted by Miley Cyrus’s ex-boyfriend almost maybe making the team. (We are not.)
  • And from the WTF is going on files, Marie Stopes abortion clinics have been forced to close four regional clinics in Queensland and New South Wales due to the impacts of COVID. That puts an end to the only abortion clinic in Townsville, and the only provider offering surgical abortion performed to 16 weeks in Rockhampton. So don’t go doing anything risky in those parts of the world, girls, because there is literally nobody left who gives a shit. Maybe it’s time the government stepped up to offer this basic human right to women? Just jokes, that would be something even Jenny couldn’t get past ScoMo and his god. In the meantime, men will go on living their best lives.
  • But if you want to finish your Fizz this week feeling all your feelings, check out this beautiful young woman whose name is Jane, but she performs under the name Nightbirde. (Spoiler that is quite apparent from the still image below: she does quite well.) Anyone who can render Simon Cowell speechless is all right in my books. We hope she wins all of the things.

Written By

Carolyn is the editorial director of Champagne Cartel and a freelance writer. In her spare time she is a long-distance runner, peanut butter enthusiast, and single mum to three incredible humans.

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