Ain’t life a funny thing? There’s the highest of highs and the lowest of lows, and everything else in between. We can feel energised, then exhausted; defiant and then deflated.
When things are good, it’s great. We revel in it, savour the moment, we accept it for what it is and enjoy it while it lasts.
Often when bad shit comes our way though, we try hard to control it. We get all up in its grills, tussling with it, letting it occupy prime real estate in our brain. It can consume us in this quest to live a happy and #blessed life. But, do we really need to get all up in arms when the bad shit happens?
Now, let’s get it clear from the get-go, accepting shit doesn’t mean just laying down and taking crap. It doesn’t mean that we can’t fight when we need to fight.
Sometimes there is absolutely no benefit in fighting with the bad shit. It doesn’t change it. It doesn’t make us feel better. Instead, sometimes fighting it can make us feel worse, and waste time and energy that we could be putting into more useful ventures.
Like drinking wine.
There are times in life that we just need to accept that things are the way they are. We don’t have to fight with it. We don’t have to get consumed by it. We can’t always change things around us, but what we CAN change is our reaction and our response to the things around us.
We have a choice. We can choose to let the bad shit get on top of us. We can let those ick times dominate our thoughts.
When we think in a certain way, we’re going to feel a certain way. So when the bad shit happens, and we get consumed with the negative, then we’re going to feel even more shit. If we can just notice it instead, see it for what it is, and allow it to float past, we’re going to feel a hell of a lot better.
It’s not about positive thinking. Because sometimes bad shit can happen. And it does.
It’s also totally not about that bullshit line ‘everything happens for a reason’, because honestly, although many things DO happen for a reason, when something awful or tragic happens, that is the last thing you want to hear.
Rather, it’s more about balancing out life, and accepting the good with the bad.
While it might not be an easy lesson, it’s important for us to understand that we don’t have to go changing everything. We don’t have to fight all the time, because working so hard to get rid of stuff can often lead to making that stuff even more shit than it was in the first place.
Yes, it can be uncomfortable, it can be painful, but if we can see the bad shit as a transient event and we can allow it to be what it is- a shitty sitcho- then we can often see a reduction of our ick states, without even trying to focus on them.
We get ourselves all caught up in emotional control. We set ourselves these little rules, that somehow if we’re in control of our shit moments, then we’ll come out on top. But often we don’t come out on top, instead we just feel weighed down with the shit.
So how can we just accept the bad shit?
- Bring yourself to the present moment. Acknowledge what it is that’s happening around you.
- Just observe. Try not to react, or control, or reason. Just observe. It is what it is.
- Give yourself some space from that bad shit. Often we want to rush in and fix things immediately, so we don’t feel so ick anymore. But rushing in can lead to rash decisions, and can also make the bad shit even worse. Take some deep breaths, and give yourself a few days to make your next move.
- Stop fighting. Yep. Stop. Rather than trying to avoid/suppress/control/get rid of, open up to that bad shit. See it for what it is, and see that it is only one part of a varied life. Allow all the feels to come out, accept them and let them float by.
- Check your self-talk. I know, I’m like a broken record. It’s my mantra. But truly, what we tell ourselves has a massive influence on how we feel and what we do. Often when we’re confronted with bad shit we have all sorts of ick stuff going on in our self-talk: “I can’t deal with this,” “This is fucked,” “How will I ever cope?” If we can balance it out a bit; “I am dealing with it,” “It’s just one foot in front of the other right now,” then it will help us to cope with it all just a little bit better.
- Flip that bad shit around. Yes, it was a bad, and in some cases downright horrific time, but what else is going on that isn’t so shit? What’s actually gone right? There’s good and bad in everything we do.
Sometimes, thinking of the bad shit in our lives as quicksand can be useful. Our instinct is to struggle against it, but if we do so, we’ll drown. The best thing to do in quicksand is to lie back, stretch your arms out and float on top.
Who knew, eh?
So sit back, stretch out, and enjoy the ride. There’s gonna be some bumps. But there’s gonna be some smooth roads too.
And there’s always wine.