Happy Friday, lovers! It’s been a big week for women in the news this week. Some bad, some funny, some good in an overdue sort of way that makes us all roll our eyes and mutter “it’s about fucking time” under our breath, but loud enough so that everyone around you hears.
- Tina Turner, the Go-Go’s and Carole King were all inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame late last week, which is a nice injection of oestrogen for the historically male-dominated club. It was a victory for Tina, who was already in there as part of Ike and Tina Turner, but now stands as a solo artist and Ike can go fuck himself (yes, I know he’s already dead). And the Go-Go’s are still the only all female group to top the Billboard charts, which is fucking disturbing but kudos to those legends, and their friend Alex the Seal.
- Also late last week, the AFLW announced four more teams to take the field next season, starting in December. That will take the fixture to 18 – the same as the dudes. The new teams are from Essendon, Hawthorn, Port Adelaide, and the Sydney Swans. Let’s get out there and support this comp so we can see more amazing female athletes kicking balls.
- Martha Stewart was outraged this week when the New York Post reported she has 16 peacocks on her property. “Fake news!” she tweeted, clearly the victim of gross misreporting. “They have a story on peacocks today and say I have sixteen on my farm. I actually have 21 of these glorious birds whose house is impeccable.” HOW VERY DARE THEY!? And in case you were wondering, Martha wants you to know that her fancy birds smell like sunshine, and they’re definitely not annoyingly noisy. “They do not smell,” she insisted. “They are so clean! Their voices are loud but such fun to hear. They are so friendly.” Martha would never lie, right? Incidentally, “their voices are loud but such fun to hear” is something said about Gillian and I all the time, which is cool because we’ve got a new podcast coming soon…
- The travesty that is Eurovision kicked off again this week – after being cancelled last year. Our bloody magnificent Montaigne represented Australia via pre-recorded video from the SCG singing (and sometimes kind of yodelling) a pretty dodgy tune called Technicolour which we think was beneath her usual stratospheric talents, although she still absolutely nails a high note. Montaigne didn’t make it past the first round, and if that doesn’t show how little this competition has to do with actual talent, we don’t know what does. Tellingly, the favourite to win this year is some Italian dude in leather dungarees.
- Speaking of bullshit, while our Australian Family Court inquiry continues to blah-blah on with Pauline Hanson presumably being paid handsomely for her valuable time, China has instigated a divorce cooling off period, which has seen their divorce rate drop by 70%. And if keeping unhappy couples living together unhappily was your ultimate goal, I guess you’d call that a win? (If you’d rather jut rip off that bandaid and turn your divorce into the best thing that ever happened to you, check out our Champagne Divorce Club.)
- Bad news for boozehounds this week, as a UK study has found that any amount of alcohol is bad news for your brain size and health. The study has yet to be peer-reviewed, so we won’t pour the montepulciano down the sink just yet, but they reckon the more alcohol we drink, the more grey matter we’re shedding – and that no amount is a good amount. Who needs a massive brain anyhow? We yearn for the good old days where every second study was about how red wine was good for you. Scientists are so boring these days…
- The Bachelorette yesterday announced Brooke Blurton, 26, as the franchise’s new lamb to the slaughter for this year, which we are here for in a big way. No details have been released about how this year’s show will run, but we do know the Noongar-Yamatji woman will be the show’s first Indigenous and first bisexual bachelorette. You might remember Brooke as one of those poor sods from the shitshow that was the Honey Badger season of the Bachelor, where absolutely nobody won, least of all the Honeybadger. She has also appeared in Bachelor in Paradise, and actually seems like a nice person, all of which more than qualifies her as deserving the happiest of endings. We hope she gets a better selection than the Insta-douches that have appeared over the last few seasons.
Seen any great news for women? Send it to us at admin@champagnecartel.com
