Feeling vulnerable is pretty shit, I must admit. I feel it the most when I start dating someone new. I know it’s all good and exciting getting to know each other, but I have always just wanted to skip to the ‘comfortably farting around each other’ stage. That’s when you get to see each other’s true colours and decide whether you’re a match anyway.
Unfortunately, however, if we don’t allow ourselves to feel that discomfort and let ourselves be vulnerable, we end up letting our fears control us. We pretty much make a nice comfy space for our fears to live in us, give them whatever they demand, and protect them at all costs. All the while, they sit there on their comfy couch, watching TV in their underpants, while drinking beer and shouting obscenities at anyone and anything.
Being vulnerable pushes our fears out onto the street in their underwear. It enables the whole world (including us) to see them exposed and for what they are – little weak bastards that have no respect for anyone but themselves. Exposing them takes away their power, and therefore, their control over us.
When we protect our fears, we allow them to take up valuable space that could otherwise be filled with things that actually make us happy. For example, creative ventures and hobbies. Or going out with someone we have had a crush on FOREVER.
I know all of this because I made plenty of space for my fears growing up. I hid my vulnerability well and had everyone thinking I was a tough nut. Little did they know what a sensitive, crushed little person I was on the inside. You see, I was sexually abused as a child and kept it all to myself for very long time.
I didn’t want anyone thinking I was different or weak. All I wanted to do was fit in and hide everything so that no attention was drawn to the thing I was ashamed of. (How fucked is that?! I was ashamed of something some arsehole did to an innocent child.) I was worried that if anyone knew my secret, they would think worse of me.
That little fucker had a hold over me for 20 years before I decided to kick it out. I kicked it out by talking about it. Once I did, I felt incredibly free and I have never looked back. I think that’s key for anyone wishing to release their fears – start releasing by talking about them. Air them out instead of hiding and protecting them.
Being vulnerable means being true to yourself. It’s allowing the world to see you as you truly are, scars and all. Yes, it takes balls. And yes, it will probably be a bit uncomfortable for a little while. But it is oh so worth it! It’s complete freedom from your own self-imprisonment.
Don’t get me wrong, allowing yourself to be vulnerable isn’t all about being strong. It’s more about honouring who you really are and letting yourself feel whatever it needs to in order to release the things that no longer serve you. It’s an act of self-love, allowing your being to fully express itself.
It’s perfectly normal to have fears and emotional scars. There’s not a single person in the world who doesn’t have them. They are a natural part of being human and they have a role to play in our survival. They just shouldn’t be in the driver’s seat of our lives.
So let’s start dumping our fears out onto the street. Let’s start getting over the things that have held us back forever. Let’s start seeing each other for who we really are. And let’s start being truly happy!