What to wear to a colonoscopy

As I write this, I’m contemplating what fabulous hospital-appropriate fleecy comfort wear I’ll be donning tomorrow when I have my three yearly colonoscopy.

I’m also contemplating the burbling in my stomach and wondering when the first “delicious” compound drink that I downed two hours ago, will begin doing it’s job of cleaning me out, pre-colonoscopy. Better not be anytime in the next few minutes as my five year old is occupying our one and only toilet.

And being of the male variety, he likes to spend some time in there, wallowing in his poo air. (Ew, can anyone tell me why they do that? Seriously who wants to sit around in a room filled with stink, thinking about life or even worse reading a newspaper which then they put back on the kitchen table. GAG.)

Colonoscopy_Hero

Anyway, back to my buttoscopy as it’s being fondly referred to. I know maybe that this isn’t the most palatable thing to talk about but we shouldn’t be all ‘shoosh’ about it. It’s just a thing that some of us have to do when we’re young. And everyone should do when they are older.

The reason I have to go through the ordeal every three years is that I have a family history. My dad has had two punch-ups (in the ring…hehehehe…. it’s no laughing matter really) with bowel cancer. The first cancer was the size of a small football. The surgeon removed it, along with a foot long piece of colon, and dad was very well for five years. Then the specialist found another, via dad’s regular colonoscopy check up.

It was much worse and my poor papa endured an extremely full-on surgery, where they removed a whole heap of his internal organs. He was fitted with permanent colostomy and urostomy bags. The shock of all this was too much for him. He ended up clinically depressed and in simple terms, willed himself into a catatonic state. Thanks to modern medicine, and a shitload of medication, he is alive and kicking today. He’s a tough old coot my dad.

Can I say right now if you or anyone you know is depressed. Please seek medical attention immediately. Don’t delay and don’t put up with it. Mental health is as important as physical health and there is absolutely no shame in taking medication if it is recommended by a qualified professional.

Women get bowel cancer too.

AND can I also say, which is the actual point of this post, that bowel (colorectal) cancer is bad. The Cancer Council reports that it the second most common cancer in both men AND WOMEN in Australia. And 80% of cases have no known hereditary genetic associations. Bowel cancer comes from polyps.

Someone recently asked me what polyps were and I’m like “I don’t know, mushrooms in your arse? I’m not a doctor, okay”. What I do know is that when I had my last colonoscopy I had a couple of polyps removed. They were the kind that could turn into cancer. That makes you think doesn’t it. So although the colonoscopy experience isn’t exactly awesome, I’d frankly rather have a camera stuck up my coit than end up with cancer.

Buttoscopy Faux Pas

I heard a story from a friend that she knew a lady who woke up during her colonoscopy and said “Mmmm that feels nice”. And afterwards she REMEMBERED waking up and saying it!!!! I think maybe it’s more urban myth than reality but makes me laugh very hard every time I think of it.

Hope that doesn’t happen to me tomorrow.

If you are over 50 you are eligible for the free National Cancer Screening Program program. According to the website it is available for people to use in the “privacy of their own homes”. Which is good, I’d really hate to see people test themselves at work or in my local wine bar.

Do you make sure you’re on top of your health? What checks have you had lately?

 

 

Written By

Gillian is a marketing savant and brand strategist with over 20 years of experience in above and below the line marketing, digital strategy and creative direction. She is an exceptional people person who loves to collaborate with clients every step of the way to achieve the best possible outcome. Gillian is also a successful makeup-artist and make-up obsessive who loves to share her tricks of the trade and help women to look good and feel great.

17 Comments

  • I love your humorous spin on a not so humorous topic. You’ve reminded me that I need to have a check up. So thank you for that. Good luck with your buttoscopy. Hope it’s a “Mmmm that feels nice” one! lol : )

  • So what did you end up wearing? I only ask as I go every year for a check up. And my little bros. My darling Dad died of Bowel Cancer nearly 20 years ago. Back in the day when you didn’t discuss health problems as openly as we do now… I’ve had pollups before but otherwise so far so good. I find you wear a paper kimono and a blanket in the waiting room til it’s your turn with shitty magazines to read mostly – haha! At least kimonos are on trend 😉 x

    • Oh that’s so sad about your papa, I’m so sorry. We are very fortunate that our dad pulled through it was really touch and go…. So I the end I wore full blown daggy tracksuit pants and an old cable knit jumper. Wanted to be warm, it so cold in the hospital. Haha kimonos so are on trend hahaha Thank you for sharing!! xxxx Gill

  • My name is Kelly and I’m a health-check-aholic. Anything that should be checked … gets checked. I think I even have pap smears yearly rather than bi-annually. Just to be safe! I spend a lot of time glorying in the wondrous-ness of our healthcare system that all these checks are so readily available to us. We’re very lucky aren’t we?! Hope the buttoscopy went well Gill xx

    • Hahahahag Kelly you’re such a good girl. I’m a bit the same. We are lucky!!! I’ve lots of respect for modern medicine and the power of prevention!!! The buttosccopy went really well I’m on five yearly now which is awesome. Although I already am thinking I’ll go back at three year mark hahaha xx

  • I hope the buttoscopy went well. Isn’t it a great urban myth. I am hoping to avoid this checkup. Ok I tend to avoid most checkups. Which is bad because one of my careers is as an ICU nurse and we used to bang on about health promotion and prevention……Zoe xx

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