Ask Jezabel Jones: should I be bothered by an anti-climax?

Dear Jezabel Jones,

My husband, well partner of the last 20 years, and I have recently been going to counselling, and it came up that I have only had two orgasms over the course of our relationship, both in the first five years or so. The counsellor seemed sort of shocked. Is this normal?

Only Twice.

Only Twice! My dear girl! I want to call you a woman, but Only Twice, you’ve only come twice… And you commenced counselling for some other reason??

In answer to your question, no. This is not normal. What kind of rock has this cave-man had you living under? An orgasm is a woman’s right, not a man’s possession, and your partner should be enabling you one, if not every time, then at least frequently enough for you to both know to get more of the same.

I hear there are people that are truly asexual, and that sex just isn’t a thing for some – just as some claim to dislike Champagne, even after they’ve had the best French. Perhaps this is you. In which case, it is perhaps perfectly normal.

However, if, like the majority, you find it getting a little hot in your pants when an attractive specimen walks towards you, then your partner should have enabled you more than two orgasms.

Let’s start with you, Only Twice, and making sure you know how to turn yourself on. Commit some time to this. Take yourself to bed. Dim the lights, put on candles, music, whatever it is that will get you in the mood. Start with a caress. Let your fingers drift over your body, run your hand from your collar bone across your chest to your other shoulder, down your arm, feel what it is that lights up under your skin.


Find the places on your arms, your legs, the back of your neck that sends a tingle to your groin. It sounds like there is going to be some serious re-education required, so you need to know what roads lead to the empire. Every single one of them. Then get down there. Touch yourself in ways that you haven’t let yourself before. Find the different pressure points and rhythms. Get a vibrator if that’s your thing, or even if it isn’t. Get a carrot out of the fridge if that’s all that’s available, anything that will help you explore all the parts of yourself waiting to be known.

Dear Only Twice, I would love to think you know this already and have been deep in self-satisfaction over these past decades in which case skip to here; educating him. If you are in counselling, perhaps open conversation isn’t natural for you as a couple, in which case don’t worry about the words for now, take his body as yours, guide his fingers to the places you have found, the untouched avenues along your arms, use your hands to talk to his, to show him where to find your energy, to unleash it, and rack your body into convulsions.

Best of luck with the counselling, darling.

Jezabel Jones.

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