Dear Jezebel Jones,
My boyfriend and I have been together for about five years, living together for three. He wants me to watch pornography with him which I do but then he complains about our sex life, I feel like I can’t win.
Porn-loser.
Well, darling, you don’t have to search very deep for Google to tell you the risks of watching porn, and what it can do to a couple’s sex life and expectations. But Pandora’s Box has been opened.
And, if you dig a little deeper, you will find scientifically valid data to debunk the prevailing “common-sense” phobias that porn is to blame for the end of intimacy as we know it; that seeing porn-stars will mean your man will only want a porn-star…well sweetheart, we’ve all been swooning for George since his ER days, and yet we date the common man. Certainly there is a neural processing risk in terms of stimuli and response, but let’s put that aside, and get to the deeper issue here.
He complains about our sex life. Darling, you are framing this as his problem, his cause, his effect, when this is about the two of you finding a way to improve your intimacy with each other. You need to ask yourself some serious questions; are you satisfied with your sex-life, and are you satisfying him?
The man could come up with a better communication strategy, but at least in introducing pornography he is trying to do something about the situation. Assuming it’s not wildly fantastical-fetishes he is asking you to indulge in, you can perhaps gain a little insight to what he is wanting from what he is watching. Is it your multiple orgasms he desires, does he want to do it doggy-style, would he like you to tell him how much you are appreciating his manliness?
If your intuition is still failing you, then time to have a conversation. Don’t be a prude about it, and don’t start on the defence. Bring some seduction into your language, and the way you look at him, and make sure you keep it about the both of you, and your sex life; the joint experience he is hoping for.
Then my darling, buckle up and find it with him.
