Dear Jezabel Jones: I’ve lost the ability to talk dirty

Dear Jezabel Jones

Dear Jezebel Jones,

I’ve always been a fan of talking dirty, but lately I feel like I’ve run out of material to work with and the well is running dry. The things I used to say have become a bit ho hum, and I don’t know where to look for inspiration. Any tips?

Salty mouth

Ooh darling, I know what you mean, it can be a little like Nan and Pops telling the same tired tale at Christmas. Language, and the words we choose are at the core of the expression of our inner identity, and like those favourite heels, words can become tired and unsteady when worn too long.

So, what to do…is is new set of heels, or a new style of shoe?

The English language is finite, so, short of delving into some sub-cultural genre-twisting expression, you perhaps know the words of our sexual vocabulary better than I. In which case, it’s how you put them together and wear them that might fancy a freshen up. Step away from the ease of the internet and pornography for inspiration and head to the erotic fiction shelves of your local book store. The poetic prose of Anais Nin is a deep-sprung source, and in Written on the Body, Jeanette Winterson masters some of the most insanely get-me-hot scenes with complete gender neutrality to steer you well clear of any throbbing pronouns.

But what else of the words? Is it still the harder, deeper, faster you are wanting for, or is it something else in the intimacy between the sheets you seek. Perhaps a shift from talking dirty to talking hot. Or in sneaking your desires into the everyday; a little appreciation of the shape of your beaux’s arms doing the dishes, noting the swagger in a morning step. Time and place can impose a whole new set of constraints on the words we speak, bringing a new urgency to subtly spoken desire.

Talking dirty is about engaging our biggest sexual organs: our brains. So think about the impressions, images and expectations at the depth of your desire, then fill in the picture with the language of your mind.

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