Dear Jezabel Jones
A younger colleague is about to get married. He is in his twenties, and his fiancé is only his ‘second’. He is keen for some more ‘worldly experience’ before he ties the knot and thought I might like to bestow my wisdom. It wouldn’t mean anything, I love my husband, and still want to be with him, but is it okay to cheat if it’s just this one time?
My dear ‘Worldly’, I think you should be asking your husband that question, not me. Even meaningless sex means something. In this case it means that you are potentially breaking the trust of a man you say you love and want to be with to indulge the fantasies of a boy.
I will always encourage an open dialogue around matters of fantasy and desire, but in this case, before you do I caution you to think carefully, Worldly. It is a vast territory you are opening the doors to. For many it can be a beautiful wilderness to go hiking in, knowing you can return to the hearth. But once that door is open, it must be open for both you and your husband. And if you don’t fancy the scent of another woman’s loins on your bear, then best you keep the door closed.
I can hear you echoing your call, ‘just this one time’, ‘just this one time’. Everything begins with ‘just this one time.’ And rarely does it end as only the once. It can seem so easy, a lunchtime encounter, quick shower at the gym, a late night at the office, slipping in home when the house is fast asleep, a work-trip with adjoining hotel rooms. All the plotting and planning, executed once, becomes simple to do again. It is not just a matter of your husband’s trust, it is your own that you put on the line – your own trust in yourself. The secrets you will have to keep, the lies you will tell yourself to mask your behaviour from your beliefs. Let’s be honest dear Worldly, you wouldn’t be asking me if you thought it the right thing to do.
As for the boy-child, best give him your ‘experience’ and advise him to consider how much he wants his youthful bride, and if it is absolutely, then perhaps a vintage copy of the Kamasutra might be a thoughtful wedding gift that they can discover the ‘world’ together.