A lady come up to me at the park today and said “Are you “Fred’s grandmother? Is that Fred?” pointing at my five year old. She was a bit confused obviously and I shook my head numbly, completely SHOCKED off my tits that anyone thought I could be a child’s grandmother.
Now, don’t get me wrong, I LOVE grandmothers and in theory I could easily be a grandmother, given my advanced years. It’s just that I just don’t think ‘grandmotherhood’ is my place in the world right now. The whole thing made me feel weird. I didn’t like it. Normally I am in complete denial about ageing. Well not denial but I feel young and I don’t think it matters how old you are and I don’t think there is any point thinking or worrying and bothering with the numbers. You get older. Absolutely nothing you can do about it. Life goes on. Get on with it. But this gave me a jolt, my stomach did a flop flop. I wondered for a minute or two how long I might have left, about what it would feel like to be… old. I felt my mortality loom.
And then I decided those kind of thoughts are best left where I normally leave them. Back in a nice dark corner of my mind, locked in a box, in a musty cupboard that is nailed shut. Si-oh-nara baby.
Good story though.
And now, because frankly I’d rather talk about makeup ‘n shit, I’m moving on to the confusing world of mascara.
What’s the difference between all those mascaras?
I’ve had a few people tell me they freak when they go into Big W and see rows and rows and mascaras and wonder what the hell that’s about and which one to buy. The thing is that most of them are the same. They are just there to ensure the brand takes up as much space as possible on the shelves.
There’s so much blahblah about lengthening and thickening and volumising etc. Mascara isn’t magic. It can’t make your lashes longer or thicker. It can make them appear longer because most of us have light coloured tips on our lashes, especially in summer. And by applying a coating of gunk, they will look thicker. And if you buy waterproof you’ll probably get build up so they’ll look thicker (I personally don’t use waterproof, I like to be able to remove my mascara).
What’s the best mascara to buy?
My professional opinion is that you need to consider three things.
What’s your budget?
There are so many mascaras on the market that you will definitely find something great in your price range. And most brands have basically the same product in a few different price points, with slightly different branding so try a few out!
Are you allergic or sensitive?
If you are, you need to research very carefully. I’m not comfortable recommending anything for sensitive eyes because I don’t know enough about the contents of mascara.
What sort of brush do you find easiest to use?
If you have short lashes a skinny brush will be easier to handle. If you like a lot of mascara, you need a fatter brush.
I have pulled together a bunch of my favourites. I’ve used all of these over the years and the ones I’ve chosen all have quite plain ‘average’ brushes, nothing fancy or overcomplicated. I like a very simple easy to handle wand. I also like a good thick coating of mascara. I like my lashes to look thick and a bit spidery and clumpy. My current favourite is the L’Oreal Butterfly Wings. I don’t know WHY it works, but it does and I often get comments when I wear it.
A final note. DON’T KEEP YOUR MASCARA FOR EVER. The experts recommend up to six months. I’ve been known to keep mine a lot longer, but you’re playing with grossness. The bacteria that can build up in that little tube is highly disturbing so you’re best off just chucking it and getting a new one. No-one wants a bad case of pink-eye.
Good luck, I hope you see something that you think you could like!