When I was a student, my housemate was a member of an underground feminist movement that sticker-bombed all the faculty buildings and men’s toilets at uni with a white on black sticker that simply said, “I love my cunt.”
They were thrilled at their own shockingness, and full of that vim that comes with being a student and thinking you’re the first one to think of such cutting edge stuff as that.
I think their point was to reclaim the word for women, rather than have it used as an insult for Macca when he nicks off to the loo when it’s his round. But the point is valid here too. How much love do you show yours?
No, I’m not talking about that sort of love (but hey, good on you; keep that up!). I’m talking about keeping your little friend healthy and happy so she, in turn, will be kind to you. Because a healthy vagina may be something you take for granted, but when yours isn’t feeling awesome, you will know about it!
Here are eight ways you can show your vajootz the respect she deserves:
- Lose the cheap knickers. Cotton is the way to go because it breathes and absorbs moisture. Go for shiny weird fabric with just the cotton gusset if you must, but all cotton is better. Or lose the knicks and let it all hang out if you’re that way inclined – but don’t do that if you’re going to the gym or sitting on a germy train seat, unless you would readily rub your vagina on any given stranger on the street. Which I advise against, generally.
- Do your pelvic floor clean and jerks. Every. Single. Day. Yes, I know it’s a pain in the – ahem – arse, but so is weeing yourself at work when you sneeze. Only more so. Plus a fit vagina is an orgasmic vagina. Do you really need more reasons? If you need some help in this department, Danielle from Keeping Up with the Holsbys is currently trialling a nifty device and app that is supposed to whip your nethers right into shape.
- Eat natural or Greek yoghurt with live cultures. This stuff boosts good bacteria which can help protect you against yeast infections. Just be sure to take it orally. And avoid the sugary stuff. Even if it has live cultures, the sugar and other crap in it can cause you more issues that they’re worth, including making your even more susceptible to yeast infections. Well played, yoghurt…
- Get wet. There, I said it. Don’t have sex if your vagina isn’t ready, or lube up if you need to. All sorts of factors can cause vaginal dryness (the pill, breastfeeding, hormones, antihistamines, antidepressants, for a start), but forging ahead with the match when the turf is dry is only going to lead to abrasions and damage that will make it even less fun to play on next time. And we do want there to be a next time, right?
- Don’t do any weird douches or perfumes, and give a swerve to that rose-scented soap Aunty Gwen gave you for Christmas too. Your vagina is clean and it is supposed to smell like that. Leave it the hell alone. (Unless you know it isn’t supposed to smell like that, in which case, see your doctor immediately.) Soap can dry out the skin of your vulva, which doesn’t sound like a good thing either. Just a swish around with warm water is enough.
- Go easy on antibiotics. Sure, use them occasionally if you are fighting an infection, but don’t use them just in case, or if you have a virus. They don’t work, and they will kill your friendly vaginal bacteria (don’t they sound fun?). If you must take them, please load up on the yoghurt. Again, take it ORALLY.
- Use a condom. This might not be so popular with a lot of you and your good-time buddies, but it is good for you. Even if you’re in a monogamous relationship, rolling on a frenchie can help protect you from yeast infections, UTIs and vaginal bacteriosis – which does not sound like friendly bacteria to me.
- Enjoy sex in the right order. Look, I don’t want to come into your house and tell you how to do the love-making thing, but I will say this: if you get into anal sex, please don’t then go back to vaginal sex without a decent wash in between. You’ve spent your whole life wiping front to back for a reason. I’ll let you sort out the finer details of that one yourself.
Follow these eight steps and your vagina will thank you – perhaps not in so many words, but you’ll be best friends for life.
What do you think? Easy? Followable? Any you wouldn’t do? Tell us if you’re game!