My husband and I have been married for 14 years. We love each other and have a great time together, but the only time we ever have sex is when we’ve been drinking. When I look back, it’s pretty much always been this way but I never noticed it until we had our kids and our lives settled down to a more pedestrian pace. How can I change the dynamic and make sex more a part of our regular lives?
Sober and sexless
Oh, darling, the great-Australian hang-over, that begins with men around the BBQ and the women nattering in the kitchen and never the twain shall meet – until of course sufficient beverages have been consumed that you can come crashing together in drunken bliss.
If we were anthropologists, we could become fascinated by the many ways in which these grand cultural behaviours infiltrate our daily habits; reluctance to show intimacy, and heaven forbid talk about it without a drink, and as for having it… But we are red-blooded women with practical matters to solve.
This is about changing habits, and challenging perceptions, but ultimately, it is about getting more sex into your everyday.
Darling, you and I both know, that sex is not just about the act. It’s the thought, the feeling, the desire. Of course there’s the old ‘talking about’ it theory, but darling, if you are only having it drunk, I daresay any conversation is going to be at best awkward, and most likely to trigger some ugly defence which will only create another barrier to bring down. Men are literal creatures, in thought and action, so my darling you are going to need to bring the sex into the room.
Steal the moments and shift the dynamic. Instead of the comforting hand on a shoulder, make it a sexual one, with a little movement across his collar bone. Let a hand resting on his neck, become a sensual journey down his spine. All the places on his body that you know from your drunken-delights light his fire, put a match to them. And when he turns to wonder what it is that you are doing, give your darling-est little nod and a wink, and walk away.
This of course is going to need you to feel it, because if the desire isn’t in you, he sure as hell wont be. Put your confidence on, and keep it up. This is the art of seduction, and you need to master it in broad daylight.